I shall not strive.

I used to try so hard to be something that I'm not. I wanted to be artsy, I wanted to be buff, I wanted to be a hippie, I wanted to be athletic, I wanted to be a nerd, I wanted to be a dancer, I wanted to be a college kid, I wanted to be a girlfriend, I wanted to be a missionary, I wanted to be a chef... I wanted to be awesome and accepted by everyone because I've been too freakin insecure.

I don't want to be anything anymore.

And I'm gonna keep saying that until it's true.

I just want to be a child of the living God; a servant.

And I'm gonna keep saying that until it's true.

The reason I'm thinking about this is because I just happened upon some old facebook photos of mine and I realize that I look pretty ridiculous in many of them. I'm a bit embarrassed at how much I tried to be cool... and for what? If anything, it just made for a lot of false-foundation friendships, which I surely don't want.

The thing is, is that I have been afraid my whole life that if someone really knew me that they wouldn't like me.

Isn't that a fear that all of us really have?

If you think about it, I'm sure that you would ashamedly agree. It's like we thing that who we are isn't good enough. That God messed up; that he lied when he looked at me said, "she's perfect".

Looking back at those pictures though, I can rejoice because right now, I feel content.

I am glad to be who God made me to be.

I do not have to strive for him or her or that or this.

This is who God made me to be, and I won't make excuses for it.

I would rather lay in front of a crackling fire, drifting asleep in the arms of its warmth and glow, than be loud, laughing, and crazy in a room of things/people I may or may not remember the next day.

I want to abide in Him. I choose to abide in Jesus.

Honestly.

The walls have been broken, expectations have been lifted, and it's just me and You in a lovely room basking in the joy and love that we can give each other.