anti-shame

I feel antsy and crazy all over. My insides are vibrating and my brain is a mush of lightening bolts and thick pudding.

I'm afraid of having feelings that matter, of having convictions, of having a vision-- because what if I'm all wrong?

This is the cry of my heart:

"To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
O my God, in you I trust;
let me not be put to shame...
Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame."
Psalm 25

I've got a lot ahead of me right now. In fact, it feels like the options for my future are innumerable and the answer to the question of "God, is this one the right choice?" is a big YES to all of the above. Which is rather annoying, to be quite honest. I want a yes or a no. But the beauty of following the Lord, is that as long as my eyes are set upon Him alone, all things shall be used to glorify Himself, no matter the choice.

So then I must keep my "eye" healthy, as Luke 11:33 says. If I am spiritually healthy, living a life of integrity, of true God-Glorification, then I shall be full of light. Nothing in the dark.

But for some reason that really doesn't make me feel any better.

I love the Lord, my God. Oh, so much I do. But a part of me still feels very unsettled indeed. I'm praying for peace. That I could find peace and contentment in His Love alone, and in living a life that would make His Name known and glorified above all else. Please may that be true. I do not want to be put to shame for living a life for You, Lord. I shall wait for you, I shall walk with you, I shall be still and know that: you. are. my God. the Holy One.