they shall be satisfied

there is so much more going on than meets the eye.
my spiritual life and my physical life live in unity but on totally different levels.

when asked to explain certain things about the why's and what's of Christianity, i honestly find it difficult to speak words for it. the understanding and inherent truth of the Gospel goes far beyond my own capability, so that's why i say (literally), "thank God for the holy spirit", because without it, i would quite truthfully be confused and asleep. the Holy Spirit allows me to understand the things of God deeply in my heart that I cannot put words to, that I can barely explain. but it brings me to tears when i think of the sacrifice of Jesus. and i cannot help but lift up my arms to praise God, or to fall on my knees with my hands in surrender. why do i do those things? because my body is responding to my spirit. and my spirit is responding to God.

as it's now officially the season of lent, before Easter (in which we celebrate the sacrifice of Jesus), i usually take time to give up something that has been getting in the way of my relationship with Jesus. in case some of you do not realize, lent is meant to be 40 days, simply to symbolize the time that Jesus spent in the desert praying and fasting before he began his ministry on earth (although 40 days is quite relative, the important thing is that Jesus spent a long amount of time praying/fasting).

well it kind of caught me off guard this morning as i read from matthew 4:1-2 about this time:
"Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And after fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. And the tempter came and said to him, 'If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.' But Jesus answered, 'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"

and then a bit later in Matthew 5:6, Jesus is preaching the sermon on the mount and he says,
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied."

when I am most "hungry", i am most capable to obey God; just as Jesus was after his 40 day fast.

now, I am not deciding to fast this season in regards to what I eat, but rather, I am going to attempt to "fast" from my self. From who I have created myself to be. From my habits that I have been so keen on for so long.

When a habit is being broken, it makes me feel "hungry" for it when I don't get it, and I think that God is leading me to feel this "hunger" that will put me on edge just enough so that I can be more sensitive to the Holy Spirit, and thus more obedient to Him. I have a hard time hearing God's voice because I'm so conditioned to hearing my own drone on and on. It's quite annoying really.

So this week, I've been breaking the habit of having to have chocolate everyday. It seems silly and childish, but honestly, I feel quite hungry for a big ol' chunk of dark chocolate everyday. Yet I also feel fresh for not having to have it. Like there is some sort of control that I have over my body.

Which reminds me: the main reason behind lent season is practicing self-control, just as Jesus did when He was hungry and was being tempted by the devil. He controlled his appetite for food, his appetite for pride, and his appetite for power. Wow, I would love to experience that.

This week I've also "fasted" from my sleep patterns. I've been waking up at 5:30 every morning to get up and pray and then meet with some amazing women over skype for a Bible study. And, let me tell you, that time is so valuable. Prayer is so much less confusing in the morning when everything is so quiet and still.

I'm going to continue listening to God as he shows me any other habits that I have fallen into that need to be shifted around a bit.

I'm feeling so eager for more and more time with Jesus now. Oh, I am ever more satisfied now than I was feeling last week, in my own world of habits and comforts.