...and the dust returns to earth as it was, and the spirit returns to God who gave it.
Vanities of vanities, says the Preacher; all is vanity.
ecclesiastes 12:7-8
Friday, 17 June 2011
Thursday, 16 June 2011
washin my feet, washin my mind
I was just reading my Bible this morning and God revealed a new meaning in some Scripture, which I just think is so beautiful...
(Jesus is washing the feet of the disciples, and comes to Simon Peter to wash his feet)
SP:"You shall never wash my feet"
J: "If I do not wash you, you have no share with me."
SP: "Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!"
J: "The one who has bathed does not need to wash, except for his feet, but is completely clean. And you are clean..."
John 13:6-10
And then it struck me as I read this that Jesus has already cleansed us, by the sacrifice He made for our sins. He has wiped us clean. We are clean.
But.
Our feet.
What about our feet?
Well, our feet is what touches the world. Our feet is what keeps us "grounded", so to speak, and is evidence of our human flesh. We cannot fly. We are not fully spiritual beings. We are needy, we have to walk, we have to touch the ground, connect with the earth. And all of this is necessary (obviously, because if I could choose to fly I would), but it requires something of us. If the rest of my body is clean, but my feet are dirty, how am I to walk on the Holy Ground of God, without leaving footprints?
So Jesus meets me at the front door every day, and says,
"Will you allow me to wash your feet for you this day? I have made the rest of you clean already, but the world has left its mark on you."
What a beautiful picture of
G R A C E.
So, realistically speaking now: what are my feet? Well, I would have to say its my mind. My feet is my mind. Does that make sense? Gimme a sec. So, my eyes see things that they weren't meant to see (murder, sex, immodesty), my ears hear things that they shouldn't hear (gossip, cursing, rage, slander), and I feel things in my heart that I shouldn't feel (anger, lust, jealousy, conceit)... and all of this funnels into the resting place of my mind. The place where I should understand the peace and holiness and goodness and glory of God, my Father. I don't want that all there, muddling up my understanding of God: my ability to hear Him, to see Him, to feel Him. I want it to be washed out. I need my mind to be washed clean.
But I don't know how.
I can close and squeeze my eyes real hard, wishing those thoughts and feelings and visions and voices out my head... but they just don't go.
Jesus needs to clean my mind out Himself. And He will, too, if we give Him entry to do so.
The Word explains it better than I do:
"..assuming that you have heard about Him and were taught in Him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:23
"Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison..."
2 Corinthians 4:16
"Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments of unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who hae been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments of righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under Grace." Romans 6:12-14
WOW.
How cool is that? He will clean us. Jesus is eager to clean us.
Because we need to be cleansed.
Sorry if you thought that you were perfect.
News flash: you're not.
Look at your "feet" if you don't believe me
(and by feet, I mean mind... what do you think about? what do you say? what do you see?)
(if you're like me-- human, that is-- it's not all good and dandy. you'll need some Help too).
Pray that Jesus would renew your mind today (and everyday). I sure will be.
(Jesus is washing the feet of the disciples, and comes to Simon Peter to wash his feet)
SP:"You shall never wash my feet"
J: "If I do not wash you, you have no share with me."
SP: "Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!"
J: "The one who has bathed does not need to wash, except for his feet, but is completely clean. And you are clean..."
John 13:6-10
And then it struck me as I read this that Jesus has already cleansed us, by the sacrifice He made for our sins. He has wiped us clean. We are clean.
But.
Our feet.
What about our feet?
Well, our feet is what touches the world. Our feet is what keeps us "grounded", so to speak, and is evidence of our human flesh. We cannot fly. We are not fully spiritual beings. We are needy, we have to walk, we have to touch the ground, connect with the earth. And all of this is necessary (obviously, because if I could choose to fly I would), but it requires something of us. If the rest of my body is clean, but my feet are dirty, how am I to walk on the Holy Ground of God, without leaving footprints?
So Jesus meets me at the front door every day, and says,
"Will you allow me to wash your feet for you this day? I have made the rest of you clean already, but the world has left its mark on you."
What a beautiful picture of
G R A C E.
So, realistically speaking now: what are my feet? Well, I would have to say its my mind. My feet is my mind. Does that make sense? Gimme a sec. So, my eyes see things that they weren't meant to see (murder, sex, immodesty), my ears hear things that they shouldn't hear (gossip, cursing, rage, slander), and I feel things in my heart that I shouldn't feel (anger, lust, jealousy, conceit)... and all of this funnels into the resting place of my mind. The place where I should understand the peace and holiness and goodness and glory of God, my Father. I don't want that all there, muddling up my understanding of God: my ability to hear Him, to see Him, to feel Him. I want it to be washed out. I need my mind to be washed clean.
But I don't know how.
I can close and squeeze my eyes real hard, wishing those thoughts and feelings and visions and voices out my head... but they just don't go.
Jesus needs to clean my mind out Himself. And He will, too, if we give Him entry to do so.
The Word explains it better than I do:
"..assuming that you have heard about Him and were taught in Him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:23
"Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison..."
2 Corinthians 4:16
"Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments of unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who hae been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments of righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under Grace." Romans 6:12-14
WOW.
How cool is that? He will clean us. Jesus is eager to clean us.
Because we need to be cleansed.
Sorry if you thought that you were perfect.
News flash: you're not.
Look at your "feet" if you don't believe me
(and by feet, I mean mind... what do you think about? what do you say? what do you see?)
(if you're like me-- human, that is-- it's not all good and dandy. you'll need some Help too).
Pray that Jesus would renew your mind today (and everyday). I sure will be.
Wednesday, 1 June 2011
hands and hearts
I have a love to give. I have a Love that is already given, a Love that remains in the Hands of the One who has given me more than my worth deserves, a Love that belongs to Him alone. But then there's another love that I have to give. It's simpler. It's human. It's a lovely love. There's another love that I've already given. To the people, to the ones whose wet cheeks and broken hearts and poverty call to me and beckon me to hold and comfort them. And then there's another love that I have already given. To the heart-connected, soul-intwined beautiful friends and family that have graciously been placed upon my path as I walk through these woods, into meadows, through valleys, upon mountains. They are there and I love them. But there's still another love. Too many people give it out to unworthy hands. But it's too delicate to be handled with rough skin and uncontrollable fits. I will hold it within my heart until it chooses to let go of me a bit and hold hands with another. But not before it's ready. And not until it's right. And not before he's worthy. And not before I know that I will be safe. And until all of that, God is my Guardian. He is the Keeper of His Daughter's love, including her heart-love. So don't ask for it if it's not yours to ask for. I'll give you my love, but not that one. Too many give it to unsteady hands.
puppy dreamin :)
i feel like this is turning into a dream blog. but i just wanted to say, that i had the cutest dream last night! I was going to classes, and I had about seven beautiful puppies with me, all on leashes, and they were all different. Oh my goodness I want them in real life, they were all so cuddly and sweet and not obnoxiously crazy or anything of the sort. I got in trouble during lecture because they were all sitting outside of the room waiting for me. And then i went and saw them and they were just sweetly sitting there, not causing any harm, and I just fell in love with them even more and told them that they weren't in trouble, even if they did get yelled at by a mean old lady with big hair and too much pink lipstick on.
daydreaming
Sometimes I really like to close my eyes and pretend like I'm somewhere else. Like my life has fastforwarded to the time when everything is sound. Realistically, I know that there will always be issues and such, but I'm really looking forward to the day when I'm no longer a student, when I have my own home shared with someone that I love, when I'm finally taking an active role in the passions that I have, when I have a dog big enough to cuddle with on my own couch, when I can sit in comfortable silence reading a book, when I can enjoy a chocolate while watching the flames of a wood-burning fire, when I can bake homemade bread in my own kitchen, when I can walk outside to a garden filled with flowers planted my friends and family, when, when, when...
But I'm not there now. I'm here.
And despite my rant, I am still ever-content. My life is swell, and the One directing it is even Sweller.
Sidenote: I don't understand the attraction to 'going out' and drinking and dressing skanky etcetera. I am much more content in the comfort of my own bedroom with cuppa and a book and lazy tunes flowing out of my macbook.
Anyways, just saying. It's just on my mind.
But I'm not there now. I'm here.
And despite my rant, I am still ever-content. My life is swell, and the One directing it is even Sweller.
Sidenote: I don't understand the attraction to 'going out' and drinking and dressing skanky etcetera. I am much more content in the comfort of my own bedroom with cuppa and a book and lazy tunes flowing out of my macbook.
Anyways, just saying. It's just on my mind.
Saturday, 28 May 2011
gifting
I had the oddest dream last night.
I was going to put together a conglomeration of gifts for a friend and this is how I did it:
Monday is for Miniature Things
Tuesday is for Teacups
Wednesday is for White-Somethings
Thursday is for Thorned Roses
Friday is for Fattening/Delicious Desserts
Saturday is for Sewing
Sunday is for Sitting/Silence
my subconscious is rather clever, I'd say. I may just do this for one of you someday. The gifts of the day can change depending on the person and what they like. Just saying.
I was going to put together a conglomeration of gifts for a friend and this is how I did it:
Monday is for Miniature Things
Tuesday is for Teacups
Wednesday is for White-Somethings
Thursday is for Thorned Roses
Friday is for Fattening/Delicious Desserts
Saturday is for Sewing
Sunday is for Sitting/Silence
my subconscious is rather clever, I'd say. I may just do this for one of you someday. The gifts of the day can change depending on the person and what they like. Just saying.
Saturday, 7 May 2011
true Word Promises: : : hope: : :
"Therefore, the Lord waits to be gracious to you,
and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.
For the Lord is a God of justice;
blessed are all those who wait for him.
For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jeruselum; you shall weep no more.
He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry.
As soon as he hears it, he answers you.
And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction,
yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see the Teacher.
And your ears shall hear a word behind you saying, "This is the way, walk in it," when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.
Then you will defile your carved idols overlaid with silver and your gold-plated metal images.
You will scatter them as unclean things.
You will say to them, "Be gone!"
And he will give rain for the seed with which you sow in the ground, and bread, the produce of the ground, which will be rich and plenteous."
Isaiah 30:18-23
and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.
For the Lord is a God of justice;
blessed are all those who wait for him.
For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jeruselum; you shall weep no more.
He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry.
As soon as he hears it, he answers you.
And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction,
yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see the Teacher.
And your ears shall hear a word behind you saying, "This is the way, walk in it," when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.
Then you will defile your carved idols overlaid with silver and your gold-plated metal images.
You will scatter them as unclean things.
You will say to them, "Be gone!"
And he will give rain for the seed with which you sow in the ground, and bread, the produce of the ground, which will be rich and plenteous."
Isaiah 30:18-23
Wednesday, 4 May 2011
clean
I was at a "fashion show" today at uni, and they had a lady there who would do your makeup for free. I did it, cuz I was like heyyy why not?! I'm sure I could go for a freshen-up. Well I don't like it. I don't like the feeling of heaps of makeup covering up my face. And the makeup artist, was like... "oh yeah you should use more of this mineral powder to cover up all of these blemishes. Do you get facials? You've got pretty oily skin don't you? I'd love to see you again." K, thanks. When I sat back down on the lawn to watch the show, I could smell it. And then I looked in the mirror and my face looked... well.. I mean, not bad but not really me. Dark eyeshadow, eyeliner, pink lips. From far away, it looked nice and classy. Closer though, it looked cakey, powdery, and like one sweep of a finger near my eye would make me look like a clown.
So all this to say: I would rather wear less makeup, even if my skin isn't perfect. So what if I've got blemishes? Only genetically modified humans don't have blemishes. And having oily skin isn't a bad thing... in fact, my skin is going to look much less saggy when I age because of it. And I just want to feel clean. I want to feel like being myself is fine enough, without having to cover it up with all of that powdery mess.
So all this to say: I would rather wear less makeup, even if my skin isn't perfect. So what if I've got blemishes? Only genetically modified humans don't have blemishes. And having oily skin isn't a bad thing... in fact, my skin is going to look much less saggy when I age because of it. And I just want to feel clean. I want to feel like being myself is fine enough, without having to cover it up with all of that powdery mess.
Monday, 2 May 2011
...
I will be continually dissatisfied if I can't be satisfied by the Ultimate Satisfaction of finding True Love in the Holy, Perfect Love of God Himself through His Son, Jesus Christ Immanuel, who graciously gave me the Gift of the Holy Spirit so that I can properly Love and experience and PRAISE the riches of the Father's insanely Beautiful Glory.
Tuesday, 26 April 2011
secure.
I've been feeling really insecure about my future recently. One of those random identity crisis moments that most students have as they're nearing the end of their uni life. I guess I've been having these crises most of my college career though so perhaps I'm somewhat of an exception. Lucky me!
Well since I've been here in Australia, God's been revealing so much to me, and has been so very real. I'm understanding more about what it means to possess the very Spirit of God, which allows me to worship God Himself... I'm beginning to understand the great importance of surrendering my self, my spirit to God so that I may be filled with Him. If my inner self is not fully alive, then I am not fully alive.
So my life has more dimensions to it than I ever realized before. Well, in fact, life itself has so much more depth to it than I ever realized before.
And I've been feeling full of a deeper reality, a more true life. I'm so so eager to be closer to God.
Then it's time for class. Cool, yeah, I love my courses right now and I'm giving them my full attention n such. But then I think about my future, and suddenly I just feel dumbstruck. I don't see it. Where'd it go? I'm feeling so secure right now, but when it comes to a year from now, all of a sudden I just feel like a lost child. And the past few days I've just been wanting to cry, and I've just been wanting to know, to feel secure in where I am going.
But God keeps telling me (quietly, but loud enough)... chill out. Be here now. This is where I've got you and this is what is important.
And I just realized a few minutes ago that the reason why I have been freaking out a bit more than usual recently is because I'm seeing how my life is turning out to be heaps different than I expected it to be. I expected that I would just finish off my exercise science degree, easy as pie, then begin PT school the following semester, then probably get married sometime soon after that, then go live in Africa for a bit, adopt some children, pick up some stray dogs, and rescue the world, blah blah blah. Oh yeah and God will be with me through it all.
Well. Obviously life's not goin quite as planned. And it won't. And somehow that surprises me?
God will not simply just join me on my pretty little plan that I've handed to him on a pretty little piece of paper (which I probably doodled nice little drawings on, just to give Him the clearest and cleverest picture possible).
No. When I fell on my knees and said to Him, "I accept your Son's sacrifice. My life is Yours." and in return He graciously gave me His Holy Spirit to dwell within me... everything about my life changed, and suddenly my life was no longer about my life anymore. I am joining God. I am asking Him to make me a part of His Plan and Purpose.
So that's what He's doing, and it's screwing up my plans, and it's annoying me and confusing me. But He's doing it on purpose. To say to me that He's the one in control, and He'll take me where He wants me and I really won't expect it.
So who knows... maybe I will become a PT, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll live in Africa, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll be passing out cupcakes on street corners. Maybe I'll be healing amputees in Japan. Maybe I'll be a mom. Maybe maybe maybe maybe. And it doesn't matter, because I don't need to know.
I just need to be present RIGHT NOW. Listening to where He is leading me now. The most important part of my life is submitting to God, listening to the Spirit, and allowing my spirit to grow and know the mystery of God Himself. As long as I keep listening, He will keep speaking, and I will be exactly where I need to be, when I need to be. No worries.
Well since I've been here in Australia, God's been revealing so much to me, and has been so very real. I'm understanding more about what it means to possess the very Spirit of God, which allows me to worship God Himself... I'm beginning to understand the great importance of surrendering my self, my spirit to God so that I may be filled with Him. If my inner self is not fully alive, then I am not fully alive.
So my life has more dimensions to it than I ever realized before. Well, in fact, life itself has so much more depth to it than I ever realized before.
And I've been feeling full of a deeper reality, a more true life. I'm so so eager to be closer to God.
Then it's time for class. Cool, yeah, I love my courses right now and I'm giving them my full attention n such. But then I think about my future, and suddenly I just feel dumbstruck. I don't see it. Where'd it go? I'm feeling so secure right now, but when it comes to a year from now, all of a sudden I just feel like a lost child. And the past few days I've just been wanting to cry, and I've just been wanting to know, to feel secure in where I am going.
But God keeps telling me (quietly, but loud enough)... chill out. Be here now. This is where I've got you and this is what is important.
And I just realized a few minutes ago that the reason why I have been freaking out a bit more than usual recently is because I'm seeing how my life is turning out to be heaps different than I expected it to be. I expected that I would just finish off my exercise science degree, easy as pie, then begin PT school the following semester, then probably get married sometime soon after that, then go live in Africa for a bit, adopt some children, pick up some stray dogs, and rescue the world, blah blah blah. Oh yeah and God will be with me through it all.
Well. Obviously life's not goin quite as planned. And it won't. And somehow that surprises me?
God will not simply just join me on my pretty little plan that I've handed to him on a pretty little piece of paper (which I probably doodled nice little drawings on, just to give Him the clearest and cleverest picture possible).
No. When I fell on my knees and said to Him, "I accept your Son's sacrifice. My life is Yours." and in return He graciously gave me His Holy Spirit to dwell within me... everything about my life changed, and suddenly my life was no longer about my life anymore. I am joining God. I am asking Him to make me a part of His Plan and Purpose.
So that's what He's doing, and it's screwing up my plans, and it's annoying me and confusing me. But He's doing it on purpose. To say to me that He's the one in control, and He'll take me where He wants me and I really won't expect it.
So who knows... maybe I will become a PT, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll live in Africa, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll be passing out cupcakes on street corners. Maybe I'll be healing amputees in Japan. Maybe I'll be a mom. Maybe maybe maybe maybe. And it doesn't matter, because I don't need to know.
I just need to be present RIGHT NOW. Listening to where He is leading me now. The most important part of my life is submitting to God, listening to the Spirit, and allowing my spirit to grow and know the mystery of God Himself. As long as I keep listening, He will keep speaking, and I will be exactly where I need to be, when I need to be. No worries.
Monday, 4 April 2011
girly?
sometimes i doubt that i'm girly, because well, i guess i'm just really natural and non-makeupy and I don't love pink and I like to sweat and I just want to be outside and malls make me feel claustrophobic and jewelry feels heavy sometimes and I love muscles and I, yeah, just don't feel necessarily "girly" all that often.
However: I am, in fact, "girly" I've realized.
I painted my nails today and didn't want to do the dishes because I didn't want to mess up my nails.
I liked my hair today so I didn't want to go work out and have to shower and mess it all up.
I've eaten chocolate (dark, preferably) every day for as far back as my memory serves true.
I thoroughly enjoy being in the kitchen, cooking.
My perfume/scent generally smells like either flowers or vanilla-esqe. I feel incomplete if I don't smell nice. It's for my own pleasure, really.
Sometimes I curl my letters extra while writing just to give them that swell little twist that makes me happy and makes my words prettier.
So yeah, those are a few of the ways that I've realized that I'm girly today.
However: I am, in fact, "girly" I've realized.
I painted my nails today and didn't want to do the dishes because I didn't want to mess up my nails.
I liked my hair today so I didn't want to go work out and have to shower and mess it all up.
I've eaten chocolate (dark, preferably) every day for as far back as my memory serves true.
I thoroughly enjoy being in the kitchen, cooking.
My perfume/scent generally smells like either flowers or vanilla-esqe. I feel incomplete if I don't smell nice. It's for my own pleasure, really.
Sometimes I curl my letters extra while writing just to give them that swell little twist that makes me happy and makes my words prettier.
So yeah, those are a few of the ways that I've realized that I'm girly today.
Wednesday, 30 March 2011
eager and in love
I've been so eager to hear God's Words to me, to our generation as a whole. It's so so beautiful to hear his voice! I've been learning heaps recently, so today I took a day to simply breathe and be.
One little nugget of fun wisdom first though... If you're ever having trouble finding peace and quiet in your mind's space, I urge you to just sit and look at a tree. I know what you're thinking. I'm such a hippie. Okay, only a little bit; just hear me out. Keep looking at the tree until you actually notice it swaying, watch every leaf, then look around you and notice how in actuality, all of the trees are moving. We kinda just assume that trees are mostly very still and stoic, but let me tell you, they are movers! Anyways, maybe it won't help you, but it helped me. My thoughts vanished and I could breathe in peace again.
And then God spoke! through this scripture that was in John Piper's book, "Think":
"Behold, I will pour out my spirit to you;
I will make my words known to you" proverbs 1:23
and...
"If you receive my words... inclining your heart to understanding, calling out for insight, raising your voice for understanding, seeking it like silver,
then you will understand the fear of the Lord
and find the knowledge of God" proverbs 2:1-5
wow!
how crazy is that?? if we ask him to know things, he will tell us. hmm.
the mystery of the Gospel has been revealed, yet sometimes we try to act all ignorant; as if Jesus never came to live on earth at all, connecting us to God forever (if we choose to walk on the bridge). It's quite a journey, but it's absolutely magnificent.
I'm learning more about what and who God loves, what He hates, the way He works/speaks/acts.
If I were to boil it down, I'd say that I'm falling in love.
Truly, truly.
Just like the School House Rocks used to say... "Knowledge is Power!!"
and in this case, the power is Love itself.
The more I learn, the more I love, the more I ask, the more I hear, the more He leads me, the more I want to follow...
Anyways, I wrote this today, as I sat with Jesus today. I didn't think at all, just wrote. Here goes:
I seek You;
Therefore I discover.
Hope is not a lost cause,
Nor is it a lie.
True You are,
True You remain,
My Beloved King.
And angels sing!
All proclaim!
Great, good, mighty
To thee
Be the Glory
The One True Glory.
Fruit of Your tree,
Too sweet to eat;
My mouth craves its juices;
Alas, I am too unclean
My fingers have
Only brushed it.
Purify my limbs, fingers, soul;
I ache to be near You,
Ache to know
You,
God.
To taste Your fruit
For all its goodness.
I shall remain
In You
For You
Not against You
(How could I ever oppose
All that is right?
The One True Thing?)
Here I am,
Unworthy, servant girl.
May I kiss Your throne?
Touch Your sandal?
Yet You lift me up now,
Look me in the eye
and say,
"Marry me".
One little nugget of fun wisdom first though... If you're ever having trouble finding peace and quiet in your mind's space, I urge you to just sit and look at a tree. I know what you're thinking. I'm such a hippie. Okay, only a little bit; just hear me out. Keep looking at the tree until you actually notice it swaying, watch every leaf, then look around you and notice how in actuality, all of the trees are moving. We kinda just assume that trees are mostly very still and stoic, but let me tell you, they are movers! Anyways, maybe it won't help you, but it helped me. My thoughts vanished and I could breathe in peace again.
And then God spoke! through this scripture that was in John Piper's book, "Think":
"Behold, I will pour out my spirit to you;
I will make my words known to you" proverbs 1:23
and...
"If you receive my words... inclining your heart to understanding, calling out for insight, raising your voice for understanding, seeking it like silver,
then you will understand the fear of the Lord
and find the knowledge of God" proverbs 2:1-5
wow!
how crazy is that?? if we ask him to know things, he will tell us. hmm.
the mystery of the Gospel has been revealed, yet sometimes we try to act all ignorant; as if Jesus never came to live on earth at all, connecting us to God forever (if we choose to walk on the bridge). It's quite a journey, but it's absolutely magnificent.
I'm learning more about what and who God loves, what He hates, the way He works/speaks/acts.
If I were to boil it down, I'd say that I'm falling in love.
Truly, truly.
Just like the School House Rocks used to say... "Knowledge is Power!!"
and in this case, the power is Love itself.
The more I learn, the more I love, the more I ask, the more I hear, the more He leads me, the more I want to follow...
Anyways, I wrote this today, as I sat with Jesus today. I didn't think at all, just wrote. Here goes:
I seek You;
Therefore I discover.
Hope is not a lost cause,
Nor is it a lie.
True You are,
True You remain,
My Beloved King.
And angels sing!
All proclaim!
Great, good, mighty
To thee
Be the Glory
The One True Glory.
Fruit of Your tree,
Too sweet to eat;
My mouth craves its juices;
Alas, I am too unclean
My fingers have
Only brushed it.
Purify my limbs, fingers, soul;
I ache to be near You,
Ache to know
You,
God.
To taste Your fruit
For all its goodness.
I shall remain
In You
For You
Not against You
(How could I ever oppose
All that is right?
The One True Thing?)
Here I am,
Unworthy, servant girl.
May I kiss Your throne?
Touch Your sandal?
Yet You lift me up now,
Look me in the eye
and say,
"Marry me".
Saturday, 26 March 2011
move dance move
Today: I really miss dancing.
Oh I do hope that I get the chance to move like that again.
I just want to move. And stretch. And swirve. And tumble. And be free.
When I run and bike and climb and yoga and swim and such, it's nice and I feel pretty good afterwards, like my body got a breather. But after I dance... well, after I dance I feel exhilerated, pushed past the limits that I thought I had, muscles exhausted because I used nearly every one, and I am genuinely happy. Joyful, even if I didn't look as good as everyone else and wasn't as stretchy as them either. But at least I am joyful.
I miss dancing.
Oh I do hope that I get the chance to move like that again.
I just want to move. And stretch. And swirve. And tumble. And be free.
When I run and bike and climb and yoga and swim and such, it's nice and I feel pretty good afterwards, like my body got a breather. But after I dance... well, after I dance I feel exhilerated, pushed past the limits that I thought I had, muscles exhausted because I used nearly every one, and I am genuinely happy. Joyful, even if I didn't look as good as everyone else and wasn't as stretchy as them either. But at least I am joyful.
I miss dancing.
Friday, 25 March 2011
Honest Answers
I wrote this post for http://www.exoworship.com but decided to post it here as well, because, well, why not?
--------------------------------
It frightens me and excites me to say what I have to say… But it's time to get real.
I've been having this overwhelming sense lately that the Day of Jesus' coming is approaching soon... sooner than we'd "expect" it to be, if that's even possible. The thing is, is that although many Christians recognize, and say with their mouths, that Jesus will one day come to ultimately separate the "sheep from the wolves", I think that we still fail to actually expect the coming. I don't know how things are right now over in America, but on this side of the world (Australia), there's been quite a stir in regards to the spiritual world, and what' on the verge of happening. And I feel it as well... my heart feels anxious, and I feel like there is a sense of urgency in everything that I do.
The past few weeks, God has been dramatically re-shaping my whole self. My spirit is brighter than ever before, and I am more eager than ever to learn more from Jesus. And MAN has He been teaching me! I feel like everyday I am shocked with the Scripture I read. I've read it before, but now it sounds different, as if someOne is whispering the secret part of it that had never been told to me before.
So, I just want to pose a question out there:
Do you believe that God is great?
God believes that He's great. Nature believes that God is great. Babies believe that God is great. Your best friend or your mom may believe that God is great.
But search your heart and ask the question again:
Do you really believe all of this hub-bub about God being great?
Sit, and listen.
Write down what you are genuinely hearing your heart say in reply to that question. Even if it isn't what your friends or your parents or your pastor would want to hear. It's time to be honest.
The reason that this question is so important to ask ourselves, is because it is absolutely essential to the salvation of our souls that we really believe that God is great:
"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord' will enter the Kingdom of Heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in Heaven." Matthew 7:21
Which then poses the question: What is the will of the Father??
“You shall love the Lord God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might… It is the Lord your God you shall fear. Him you shall serve and by His Name you shall swear… And it will be righteousness for us, if we are careful to do all this commandment before the Lord our God, as He has commanded us.”
Deuteronomy 7:5, 13, 25
And remember, God’s not fooled by our acts of praying like a Good Christian, being modest like a Good Christian, abstaining from sex, drugs, drunkenness, what have you… (although those are all very wise things to do if you are not doing them already!)
It is all in vain if it is not done with the sole purpose of serving Jesus Christ, of glorifying God Himself.
In Hebrews 4:12, it talks about how the word of God will “divide soul and spirit, discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart”, which means that he sees what is fleshly and what is spirit-filled in our natures. He knows whether or not what we’re doing is for our good or His.
And as far as our righteousness goes (the root of our actual salvation), God simply will not recognize us if we do not often come to His throne to say, “You are, in fact, Great, my God”.
It's like that awkward moment when we wave at someone across the room, who we've met once before but we're not entirely sure if they remember us, but we certainly remembered them. And they kinda just stare, look around them thinking, "Wait, me? Is she waving at me or... maybe him. Hm, I dunno maybe I've seen her before" (squinting a bit now to see you), "ohhh, yeah... I think I do remember meeting her once, but I can't remember where from" (does a little half-wave now back at you). And then we feel silly from waving at all. Because how could I assume that he would remember who I was? You've only met the bloke once. Ohhh this is awkward.
So please, please search your hearts.
Be completely honest.
I had to do it as well. Upon coming out to Australia, I suddenly felt uncomfortable with the fact that I was so comfortable without Jesus. So I searched my heart, and I realized that I finally just had to say the most hurtful words to Jesus, to admit that I was feeling okay without Him, even though I knew that was wrong. And then I repented for it, genuinely desiring to live life with Him. And ya know what? He didn’t shun me. In fact, He over and beyond in teaching me about Himself through new friends, through my church here, through the Word, heck even through some of my classes. It’s been lovely, and I am so thankful. I just pray that more would be awakened from their slumber as well, because oh, it is so good. God is so great.
So now I leave you all with this prayer over you:
“May the God of peace sanctify you completely and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless…”
1 Thess 5:23
Monday, 21 March 2011
grrr
I feel sick with frustration.
Why does this happen? Why do we go through such extreme shifts of mood?
Is it just me? Am I half crazy?
I'm falling more in love with Jesus every day,
but then I look in the mirror and I just want to turn away quick before I see all of the imperfections covering me.
It's stupid, really. I mean, I've done this before. I've experienced Satan's attacks like this before.
So I'm not ignorant. I know what it all means. I know that as I draw closer to the Lord, Satan draws closer to punch me where I'm weak. I hear lies whispered in my head, almost audible, they are so clear.
"You're getting a bit more padded around the middle, you're only pretty with make-up on, if anyone gets close enough to you they will be disappointed, you'll never be quite good enough for the guy you've held out for, you'll never be quite good enough for the life you've worked hard for" ... this that and the other. Blah blah blah.
It's all so stupid.
I've been receiving some amazing prayer over my life recently, and the Holy Spirit has been teaching me so much about the Truth recently, so it's no wonder that I'm experiencing so much inner struggle right now. Ah! I just want it all to shut the heck up!
So I'm putting this out as a blog, because I don't want to give Satan power over me.
I'll admit that I feel weak right now, in this instant.
But Jesus is more true, more full of love.
I am a daughter of the King and my Kingdom is not of this world.
"If God is for us, who can be against us?... In all things we are more than conquerers through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:31, 37-39
"For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. Look at what is before your eyes. If anyone is confident that he is Christ's, let him remind himself that just as he is Christ's, so also are we."
2 Corinthians 10: 3,7
Phew!
Amen!
Why does this happen? Why do we go through such extreme shifts of mood?
Is it just me? Am I half crazy?
I'm falling more in love with Jesus every day,
but then I look in the mirror and I just want to turn away quick before I see all of the imperfections covering me.
It's stupid, really. I mean, I've done this before. I've experienced Satan's attacks like this before.
So I'm not ignorant. I know what it all means. I know that as I draw closer to the Lord, Satan draws closer to punch me where I'm weak. I hear lies whispered in my head, almost audible, they are so clear.
"You're getting a bit more padded around the middle, you're only pretty with make-up on, if anyone gets close enough to you they will be disappointed, you'll never be quite good enough for the guy you've held out for, you'll never be quite good enough for the life you've worked hard for" ... this that and the other. Blah blah blah.
It's all so stupid.
I've been receiving some amazing prayer over my life recently, and the Holy Spirit has been teaching me so much about the Truth recently, so it's no wonder that I'm experiencing so much inner struggle right now. Ah! I just want it all to shut the heck up!
So I'm putting this out as a blog, because I don't want to give Satan power over me.
I'll admit that I feel weak right now, in this instant.
But Jesus is more true, more full of love.
I am a daughter of the King and my Kingdom is not of this world.
"If God is for us, who can be against us?... In all things we are more than conquerers through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:31, 37-39
"For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. Look at what is before your eyes. If anyone is confident that he is Christ's, let him remind himself that just as he is Christ's, so also are we."
2 Corinthians 10: 3,7
Phew!
Amen!
Sunday, 20 March 2011
confusing conversation
"Hey, where have you been?"
me: "Oh, just got back from church."
"Yeah? How was that?"
me: "Oh it was so so good!"
"So are you going out tonight?"
me: "Uh, no. Not in the plans."
"Wha? Why not?"
me: "I'm gonna go clean my room and read.. Have a good night."
Is it just me, or does this not make sense?
I will not serve two masters. And I am deeply in love with the One, that the Other is simply far from appealing. And my heart and my life feel much more alive, much more full than they did when I lived in ignorance of the Truth that was so pointedly fixed in front of me all along. I grasp now to the Truth, and I stand in presence of Glory. I am content. I am on an adventure with the Divine. I am living with a Purpose, which is truer and more real than anything else of this present world. Thank God for Mercy. Thank God for God.
me: "Oh, just got back from church."
"Yeah? How was that?"
me: "Oh it was so so good!"
"So are you going out tonight?"
me: "Uh, no. Not in the plans."
"Wha? Why not?"
me: "I'm gonna go clean my room and read.. Have a good night."
Is it just me, or does this not make sense?
I will not serve two masters. And I am deeply in love with the One, that the Other is simply far from appealing. And my heart and my life feel much more alive, much more full than they did when I lived in ignorance of the Truth that was so pointedly fixed in front of me all along. I grasp now to the Truth, and I stand in presence of Glory. I am content. I am on an adventure with the Divine. I am living with a Purpose, which is truer and more real than anything else of this present world. Thank God for Mercy. Thank God for God.
Sunday, 13 March 2011
they shall be satisfied
there is so much more going on than meets the eye.
my spiritual life and my physical life live in unity but on totally different levels.
when asked to explain certain things about the why's and what's of Christianity, i honestly find it difficult to speak words for it. the understanding and inherent truth of the Gospel goes far beyond my own capability, so that's why i say (literally), "thank God for the holy spirit", because without it, i would quite truthfully be confused and asleep. the Holy Spirit allows me to understand the things of God deeply in my heart that I cannot put words to, that I can barely explain. but it brings me to tears when i think of the sacrifice of Jesus. and i cannot help but lift up my arms to praise God, or to fall on my knees with my hands in surrender. why do i do those things? because my body is responding to my spirit. and my spirit is responding to God.
as it's now officially the season of lent, before Easter (in which we celebrate the sacrifice of Jesus), i usually take time to give up something that has been getting in the way of my relationship with Jesus. in case some of you do not realize, lent is meant to be 40 days, simply to symbolize the time that Jesus spent in the desert praying and fasting before he began his ministry on earth (although 40 days is quite relative, the important thing is that Jesus spent a long amount of time praying/fasting).
well it kind of caught me off guard this morning as i read from matthew 4:1-2 about this time:
"Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And after fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. And the tempter came and said to him, 'If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.' But Jesus answered, 'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"
and then a bit later in Matthew 5:6, Jesus is preaching the sermon on the mount and he says,
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied."
when I am most "hungry", i am most capable to obey God; just as Jesus was after his 40 day fast.
now, I am not deciding to fast this season in regards to what I eat, but rather, I am going to attempt to "fast" from my self. From who I have created myself to be. From my habits that I have been so keen on for so long.
When a habit is being broken, it makes me feel "hungry" for it when I don't get it, and I think that God is leading me to feel this "hunger" that will put me on edge just enough so that I can be more sensitive to the Holy Spirit, and thus more obedient to Him. I have a hard time hearing God's voice because I'm so conditioned to hearing my own drone on and on. It's quite annoying really.
So this week, I've been breaking the habit of having to have chocolate everyday. It seems silly and childish, but honestly, I feel quite hungry for a big ol' chunk of dark chocolate everyday. Yet I also feel fresh for not having to have it. Like there is some sort of control that I have over my body.
Which reminds me: the main reason behind lent season is practicing self-control, just as Jesus did when He was hungry and was being tempted by the devil. He controlled his appetite for food, his appetite for pride, and his appetite for power. Wow, I would love to experience that.
This week I've also "fasted" from my sleep patterns. I've been waking up at 5:30 every morning to get up and pray and then meet with some amazing women over skype for a Bible study. And, let me tell you, that time is so valuable. Prayer is so much less confusing in the morning when everything is so quiet and still.
I'm going to continue listening to God as he shows me any other habits that I have fallen into that need to be shifted around a bit.
I'm feeling so eager for more and more time with Jesus now. Oh, I am ever more satisfied now than I was feeling last week, in my own world of habits and comforts.
my spiritual life and my physical life live in unity but on totally different levels.
when asked to explain certain things about the why's and what's of Christianity, i honestly find it difficult to speak words for it. the understanding and inherent truth of the Gospel goes far beyond my own capability, so that's why i say (literally), "thank God for the holy spirit", because without it, i would quite truthfully be confused and asleep. the Holy Spirit allows me to understand the things of God deeply in my heart that I cannot put words to, that I can barely explain. but it brings me to tears when i think of the sacrifice of Jesus. and i cannot help but lift up my arms to praise God, or to fall on my knees with my hands in surrender. why do i do those things? because my body is responding to my spirit. and my spirit is responding to God.
as it's now officially the season of lent, before Easter (in which we celebrate the sacrifice of Jesus), i usually take time to give up something that has been getting in the way of my relationship with Jesus. in case some of you do not realize, lent is meant to be 40 days, simply to symbolize the time that Jesus spent in the desert praying and fasting before he began his ministry on earth (although 40 days is quite relative, the important thing is that Jesus spent a long amount of time praying/fasting).
well it kind of caught me off guard this morning as i read from matthew 4:1-2 about this time:
"Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And after fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. And the tempter came and said to him, 'If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.' But Jesus answered, 'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"
and then a bit later in Matthew 5:6, Jesus is preaching the sermon on the mount and he says,
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied."
when I am most "hungry", i am most capable to obey God; just as Jesus was after his 40 day fast.
now, I am not deciding to fast this season in regards to what I eat, but rather, I am going to attempt to "fast" from my self. From who I have created myself to be. From my habits that I have been so keen on for so long.
When a habit is being broken, it makes me feel "hungry" for it when I don't get it, and I think that God is leading me to feel this "hunger" that will put me on edge just enough so that I can be more sensitive to the Holy Spirit, and thus more obedient to Him. I have a hard time hearing God's voice because I'm so conditioned to hearing my own drone on and on. It's quite annoying really.
So this week, I've been breaking the habit of having to have chocolate everyday. It seems silly and childish, but honestly, I feel quite hungry for a big ol' chunk of dark chocolate everyday. Yet I also feel fresh for not having to have it. Like there is some sort of control that I have over my body.
Which reminds me: the main reason behind lent season is practicing self-control, just as Jesus did when He was hungry and was being tempted by the devil. He controlled his appetite for food, his appetite for pride, and his appetite for power. Wow, I would love to experience that.
This week I've also "fasted" from my sleep patterns. I've been waking up at 5:30 every morning to get up and pray and then meet with some amazing women over skype for a Bible study. And, let me tell you, that time is so valuable. Prayer is so much less confusing in the morning when everything is so quiet and still.
I'm going to continue listening to God as he shows me any other habits that I have fallen into that need to be shifted around a bit.
I'm feeling so eager for more and more time with Jesus now. Oh, I am ever more satisfied now than I was feeling last week, in my own world of habits and comforts.
Wednesday, 26 January 2011
anti-shame
I feel antsy and crazy all over. My insides are vibrating and my brain is a mush of lightening bolts and thick pudding.
I'm afraid of having feelings that matter, of having convictions, of having a vision-- because what if I'm all wrong?
This is the cry of my heart:
"To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
O my God, in you I trust;
let me not be put to shame...
Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame."
Psalm 25
I've got a lot ahead of me right now. In fact, it feels like the options for my future are innumerable and the answer to the question of "God, is this one the right choice?" is a big YES to all of the above. Which is rather annoying, to be quite honest. I want a yes or a no. But the beauty of following the Lord, is that as long as my eyes are set upon Him alone, all things shall be used to glorify Himself, no matter the choice.
I'm afraid of having feelings that matter, of having convictions, of having a vision-- because what if I'm all wrong?
This is the cry of my heart:
"To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
O my God, in you I trust;
let me not be put to shame...
Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame."
Psalm 25
I've got a lot ahead of me right now. In fact, it feels like the options for my future are innumerable and the answer to the question of "God, is this one the right choice?" is a big YES to all of the above. Which is rather annoying, to be quite honest. I want a yes or a no. But the beauty of following the Lord, is that as long as my eyes are set upon Him alone, all things shall be used to glorify Himself, no matter the choice.
So then I must keep my "eye" healthy, as Luke 11:33 says. If I am spiritually healthy, living a life of integrity, of true God-Glorification, then I shall be full of light. Nothing in the dark.
But for some reason that really doesn't make me feel any better.
I love the Lord, my God. Oh, so much I do. But a part of me still feels very unsettled indeed. I'm praying for peace. That I could find peace and contentment in His Love alone, and in living a life that would make His Name known and glorified above all else. Please may that be true. I do not want to be put to shame for living a life for You, Lord. I shall wait for you, I shall walk with you, I shall be still and know that: you. are. my God. the Holy One.
Tuesday, 25 January 2011
Glory Ought to Be
There is one single and consistent theme that I have been meditating on recently:
Don't ever, ever attempt to take the Glory away from God.
I use the word, "attempt", because that is all it shall ever be.
I can selfishly blaze paths through His forest and away from His path for me-- but it simply will not get me to the top of the mountain quicker. It's almost as if a part of me tries to take those shortcuts of rebellion so that I can get to the top and say,
"See, aren't I exactly what You wanted? I went beyond what You thought possible, and I am Your prized possession."
Interestingly, though, today I stumbled upon Psalm 24 (I'm reading a psalm a day, you should try it!), and it says:
"Who shall ascend the hill of the Lord? And who shall stand in His holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to what is false
and does not swear deceitfully."
Oh, um, okay. Well I guess that isn't me, is it? That would require me to be perfect.
Which I'm obviously far from. And yet I attempt to ascend His hill and take His holy place.
Now, I honestly don't consciously think about ascending God's hill to take His glory... I don't think that many people do. But our thoughts and our actions surely convey that exact message. When I go through a day, void a prayer and void of any thoughts to God, then I am taking the Glory for my day. When I begin to think of all of the awesome things ahead of me in my future, I get so excited because I can see how I will be a light and living in the light and yada yada... but it all basically comes down to me looking awesome.
I am a selfish, self-glorifying being and I need some major Help.
It's not bad to expect great things though. I believe that God wants the best for us, just not in the way that I (we, Church collective) often assume.
In Romans 8, Paul tells us,
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose."
and then later says,
"If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things?"
True, and true.
But at some point, after following hard after Him, my desires should transform into His desires for me. That I would want to glorify Him, that I would want to serve Him, that I would obey His still, small voice that is actively directing my path towards righteousness.
The weight of Glory is too heavy for me to bear because I was not intended to hold it. No. The Glory is God's alone... it was His and it shall remain His.
I am merely human right now.
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